Master of the Loop

Chapter 187: Words Unsaid

Chapter 187

Words Unsaid

Sylas looked inwardly, his energy swirling like whirlpools. There where once upon a time a single heart beat, and more recently two, now three shuddered. They werent hearts in the literal sense, naturally, but it didnt matter. He had three lives, now, and though many would rejoice at the thought, he was frowning.

It already took him too long to die--the last go around, he actually tossed himself from the Pass, fell for who-knows-how-long, splattered flat against the floor, and lived on as a paste for nearly four days before dying. In fact, all the while, he had to consciously prevent the energy from simply reassembling him and making him whole again.

If the many sickly and dying were to hear him, would they go crazy? He didnt care, however. He was living a completely different story, a completely different life. What was heaven for others was hell for him and vice versa.

The entourage gathered yet again and they made their way through the paved snow, conversations abound. Time and again, the same story unfolded, the same faces of shock and horror and awe greeted him. The same lands, the same speeches, the same deaths, the same fears, the same despair. Everything was the same. So much so that hed grown numb to it all.

How many lifetimes has it been? Hed lost count once again. Here and there hed take a break, leave, either alone or with Asha, and reset, so to say. Even then, it hardly helped. The woman said it was temporary, the feeling of numbness. The utter disregard of everything. That, one day in the future, he would feel again. His heart wouldnt be a frosted ocean of apathy. It has been hundreds of years, and hundreds more--but he felt nothing still.

No, that was not true. Every time he died and woke up to the Rynes blood-curling scream... he felt a twine. It was no longer an agonizing blade piercing his soul, but he felt something. A deep part of him still hurt and cared.

And Asha, against all odds, stirred his heart still. He wasnt entirely unmoving, unfeeling, untouched. He was close, at the very edge of human and beyond. There was a foot beyond the grace of man, a touch that disassembled what was real and what was not. It felt as though his brain, not his mind, his brain was undergoing an evolution--pressed against the wall with the world unknown and cruel, it had begun seeking ways to adapt. To recover.

Its first instinct was to dull him, to numb him, to bury whatever it could feel so that it may stay cold in the realm of death. But now... now it sensed hope, a strange and eerie thought. That the death though may be distant, it was possible. He was told there would be a choice sometime in the future. And his heart and mind, in concert, though to believe it real one of those choices will be precisely that. Death.

He yearned and longed, like a forlorn and scorned lover. And from that yearning and longing... guilt, eerily, emerged. He was a bundle of contradictions and paradoxes, he realized, a stew of contrasting thoughts, wants, desires, dreams, and hopes.

In that way, he was like a young child--blessed with innocence and ignorance, it wanted to be everything. An astronaut, a rock star, an actor, a professional driver, a superhero... he was similar. If he could, he would split himself in hundreds of clones, and have each one of them live out one his wants.

While the rest of the camp slumbered, he gazed hollowly at the kindling fire. They alighted it not for warmth but for light and due to the base habit. It was strange, yet... the familiarity worked to dispel the oddness of nature.

Youre drifting again, Asha sat next to him, leaning her head onto her hands, gazing at the fire.

... you can tell? he asked.

Always, she replied.

Thats scary.

Talk to me.

Whats there to talk? he mumbled. A confession, perhaps? Ive forgotten another thing.

What thing?

How I met Valen, he said. And Ryne. Even Derrek. Ah, I suppose its a few things.

Does it scare you?

... Id be happier if it did, he replied. Rather... it feels as it should be. Theres a thousand other things Ive forgotten. A few more... just fall right in line.

Then its fine, she said. If it feels as it should be. Were bound to forget a few things as we grow older.

Hm, Sylas mused, glancing at her. Though centuries passed in his mind, she didnt change. If anything, she grew more... real, if it made any sense. As though, before, he was seeing an ethereal apparition of something unknowable, and now he was seeing what was there. Is it just me, or do you keep glowin up with each new loop?

Ah, you and your sweet tongue, she glanced back at him, smiling cheekily. While words are nice, girls appreciate flowers, too, once in a while. Just so you know.

Ah, yes. Flowers. Abundance of those in the frozen north.

Would make the gift all the more special.

You can keep dreaming, he said. Nobody ever forbade it.

Talk to me more, she said suddenly.

Theres not much to say, honestly, Sylas replied, taking a deep breath and looking up at the muddy sky. Every loops... the same. Same faces. Same voices. Same stories. Every time I push a bit forward, but there are no more surprises. Were halfway to the capital, and weve got, what? Thirteen-fourteen people set aside by the Queen? Im just realizing how large of a moron I was. Had I just focused on the main crux of it all... I would have been done by now.

Perhaps, she said. But you would have missed on many things. This beautiful one among them, you know?

Yes, thats true, the two chuckled for a moment. I should stop whining, I guess?

... its in human nature to complain, Im afraid, Asha said. Whether they be kings or serfs, give them a glass of ale and listen to them profess their woes. Its just that, with you, we dont even need ale.

Kinda pointless when I cant even get drunk anymore with ease, Sylas sighed. It takes nearly fifteen bottles, not to mention me consciously calming my energy. By the time I get drunk, Id have pissed a new river into existence. Not worth it.

See? All his woes~~ she teased leisurely.

What about your woes? he asked. Or are you as free-spirited as you seem?

My woes? Oh, I have woes a plenty. Bards could write an epic about my woes!

And Im sure they did.

Youre disarming me, bit by bit, she said. Its unfair.

What is? he quizzed.

How hard I have to work to make you smile, she said. And all you gotta do is flash me one of those smirks of yours and call me a flower or something else equally stupid and juvenile.

To be fair, my voice is a panty-dropper if there ever was one.

Haah...

Thats another confusing thing.

What is?

Even at centuries old, he said. I still find seven-year-olds humor... well, humorous. Funny.

Thats because you never quite grew up, she said. You should work on that.

Nah. Imagine trying to come up with a new clever joke each and every new day. Sheesh. Sounds beyond exhausting, he said. Ill stick to the true and tested body functions jokes. Like how my body functions when it sees yours--

Haah, she interrupted with another sigh, looking at him askew. You just never rest, do you?

You can sigh only so many times before that beautiful smile of yours breaks through, he grinned at her. Oh. Right. Speaking of news, Ive grown another heart. So, now, I love you thrice as much as you love me. Its not even poetic--its scientific, factual!

...

What?

Nothing, she gave up and smiled, shaking her head. Im just imagining what it would be like if I could remember everything, like you. Just how many jokes and probes have you tested that I dont remember?

... I test many things with each new death, he said. But jokes are all originals, thank you very much! And when it comes to probes, Id be shocked if you dont recall--

Stop. Enough. Youve filled your quota of daily juvenile humor, she interrupted yet again. From now on, nothing but smart statements from you.

... I gotta take a piss.

...

What? My bladders full, and if I hold it in, it might get infected or something. Thats smart, no?

Haah...

Rest, he said as he stood up. Its a long walk tomorrow.

How many more, Sylas? she asked suddenly.

Many what?

Loops, she said. Do you think, I mean. How many until you achieve whatever it is you are chasing?

... he turned silent for a moment, gazing deeply into the ethereal eyes that, even to this day, he was unable to read completely. I dont know, he replied honestly. It will speed up, however. At some point, well have to start waging battles--I imagine once we cross the Vastavva Plains, our blitz strategy wont work anymore. As such, it will all depend on how well we do in battles. If we falter, it might take centuries. If not, perhaps decades.

You can end it all, she said. Possibly within a few years.

... what would be the point? I dont know many things, Ash, but I am all but certain that once Valen is on the throne... I wont be able to stand by the boys side. If I simply burn the Kingdom and put the fear of god into the citizens... it would all come crashing down within, what? A year? Maybe two? Besides, Ill have battles of my own to fight. Likely two, possibly three, at least. Dont worry. It will all work out.

...

The two parted a moment later, sullen silence between them. He knew why she asked--after all, this quest... was a ticking time-bomb of sorts. For the two of them, that is. As soon as Valen becomes the King... Sylas quest would be completed. As for what awaits beyond, he was uncertain--but a dutiful life... was unlikely.

Then again, he recalled the Voyagers words--that he would have a choice to make, at the end of it all. Perhaps that choice would be between dying and staying by Valens side. Or perhaps a choice between staying by the boys side or retiring into the mountains with Asha. Or something else entirely. He couldnt know. Not yet, anyway. But time... time would come. To others it may seem like forever, but to him... it would be a blink. A blink and he would be standing at the crossroads, making that choice.