Death, Devotion, Dissonance

Phel sat silently in front of the classroom, listening to Arza talk about their revised battle tactics now that Evin was gone. Evin's role in the Helm Class was rather big, him being the head of Heavy Mages and all. It was taking some time to find a suitable replacement for him.

But aside from Evin leaving somewhere without a word, all these things weren't so important to Phel. 

His eyes were stuck on Arza. The ponytail that contrasted the rest of his short hair, his forever-grinning white teeth, and of course, his buff abs and plump ass barely being contained inside his uniform. Phel found himself eyeing those especially often lately.

But Phel wasn't just concerned with Arza's looks. His attention couldn't help but get drawn to the charisma oozing from the red-hair's body. The confidence, the air of control, the visionary gaze… The way Arza stood on the podium in such a natural way, he even looked a more convincing teacher than the Chairman sitting next to him.

'Shit…' Phel sighed, once again wondering how he was going to end up with Arza… or if such a thing was going to happen or not.

His mind seemed to be experiencing a lot of shifts lately. At first, it felt like a relationship between him and Arza was something from fairy tales. How could he imagine something like this working in the first place? But gradually, he became more and more educated on the matter. 

Although same sex relationships weren't something so widespread in the kingdom, it was something common in the East. It wasn't widespread, but two men could hug and kiss in public without drawing much attention. 

It was the same story in the North. Actually, the story behind that was actually pretty interesting. The story goes that since the Northern men find themselves fighting lots of wars, naturally, they started developing some feelings for the brothers in arms that they so often fight together with. 

Some books even said that these couples of war fight many times stronger than normal soldiers to impress their loved ones, and fight even harder to avenge their lovers when they fall in battle. Such a tragic story wasn't for Phel, but he appreciated their existence nonetheless. 

Phel dug through a lot of history and found a few other accounts regarding same sex couples. It was a difficult thing to research, as he needed to blindly pick a history book in hopes of them containing the relevant information. He didn't want the librarians to learn he was interested in the topic, so this was the best he could do for now. 

However, Phel was satisfied. He wasn't such a rare oddity he first made himself out to be. There were others like him. This fact allowed Phel one huge choice. To confess to Arza.

It wouldn't be anything difficult. He'd approach the boy, talk about Arza's philosophy of staying true to one's heart, and reveal that he was in love with him.

And honestly, he felt like he had a proper chance. 

Arza got into two more relationships after Lopar, and in both cases, it sounded like he just agreed to two random girls just asking him out. If Phel did the same, wouldn't Arza say yes?

And that wasn't all. He was gradually getting closer to Arza, making himself and the red-haired boy more and more comfortable with each other's presence. 

They seemed to vibe well with each other too. Phel was one of the few people that Arza never argued with, Phel was also one of the few people that could accept Arza's arrangements of the Helm Class, and was probably the only person who could wholeheartedly accept Arza's rules on staying true to one's heart. 

'Well, I can accept it… but it seems I'm not yet able to practice it myself.'

If he did so, he would've confessed already. 

"Hey," a girl's voice approached him.

Phel looked over to see Bella standing next to him.

"Hey, Bella," Phel replied. "What's, err… What's up?"

"Nothing," Bella said. "Can't I just say hi?"

"Of course, of course."

It's been a long time since she went out of her way to talk, so Phel was a bit surprised. 

"Well… How's life going for you?" he asked. 

"Ugh, miserable," Bella grinned. "I didn't think Evin leaving would be this bad… but it's this bad. I'm even considering talking to other people again."

'Guess she's just bored.'

"Well, I'm definitely not a good conversationalist like Evin, but I'll do my best."

"You damn better," Bella smiled and sat next to Phel.

"By the way, where did Evin go to in the first place?" Phel asked. "Or did he not even tell you?"

"Oh, he did tell me. But I can't talk about to you. It's rather complicated. And dangerous. So don't feel bad about him being all secretive about it."

"Oh, I'm curious, but I'm not hurt. Since he has his reasons, I won't pry about it."

"Thanks," Bella smiled, before whispering ever so casually. "So, how's things between you and Arza?"

Hit by the sudden question, it took Phel's every effort to stay calm and collected.

"What do you mean? We're doing fine. As friends."

"Oh, come on, don't take me for a fool," Bella said, her hand wrapping around Phel's shoulder. Her cheeks came close to Phel's and she whispered again. "And I'm sure the other girls in the class noticed your passionate stares at Arza too, you know? You practically drool when your eyes fall on him."

Phel shook his head in rebuttal, "Seriously, what are you talking about?"

"If you don't admit it yourself… I might just tell Arza myself."

"N0-" Phel was about to shout, before Bella covered his mouth.

"Shhh. We don't wanna make a fuss now, do we? And you can trust me to keep my mouth shut if you just act faithful to yourself. Of course, if you don't want me taking the spotlight."

Phel sighed, helpless in the hands of the girl, and nodded. 

Bella's mouth widened before forming a grin. She created a small barrier around themselves that isolated sound.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Holy shit, I thought you… Holy shit."

"You weren't sure?" Phel asked.

"I mean… I was pretty sure. But you know?"

She was practically radiating excitement. 

'If you love gossip this much, then how come you hate the nobility and their frivolous pastimes?!'

"Since when?"

"Since the Helm's Worthy. When he came to save Evin with me."

Bella asked countless questions afterwards about Phel's feelings towards Arza. Phel replied obediently, feeling like he'd forced to answer if he refused anyway. And it felt good to finally talk about these things to someone else anyway. He's been pondering upon these things alone since forever, feeling that others would judge him. In a sense, he was glad to Bella for forcing him to talk. He was also glad she was taking things so casually.

"You don't feel weirded out by me?" he couldn't help but ask in the end.

"No, of course not," Bella shrugged. "Though in my case, I don't really give two shits who you end up with, so I guess I just don't care. I'm sure Evin would accept you for the proper reasons, though."

"Fair enough."

"But when are you going to confess?"

"I… Not sure."

"Don't tell me you're not going to do it."

"I'll do it… definitely. But I'll do it when I'm confident."

"Bah, I'm sure Arza's gonna get another three girlfriends before you make up your mind. Don't come crying to me when one of them sticks."

"I'll be happy if he's happy."

"Bullshit. I'm confident Arza will also accept you for the right reasons too, you know?